Many of us have a hard time asking for help — we have been trained to believe that it shows weakness, vulnerability or incapability. All of these are traits which many Americans steer away from, for better or worse. So when eating disorder recovery is viewed as that cry for help, it is no wonder that many people avoid the initial ask.
Why is asking for help so hard?
Asking for help for an eating disorder can be incredibly challenging for several reasons. One major factor is the stigma surrounding mental health issues in general. While the stigma has lessened over the years, many people still have residual fear of being judged or misunderstood by others, and this fear can keep them from seeking the help they need. They may worry that others will see them as weak or lacking self-control, which can be a hard barrier to overcome.
Another reason it can be difficult to ask for help is the nature of eating disorders themselves. These disorders often involve a distorted self-image and an overwhelming need for control over food, weight or body size. Admitting to having a problem can feel like losing control, which can feel like facing one’s worst fear. The disorder may also tell them that they do not deserve help or that they are not “sick enough” to receive it.
Additionally, there can be a sense of shame or guilt involved. Many individuals with eating disorders blame themselves for the situation and feel embarrassed or stressed to open up about what is going on. They may believe that their eating habits are a personal flaw rather than a symptom of a serious illness, making it harder to reach out for support. Or, they might believe that they have the ability to control the disorder no matter how bad it’s become.
Lack of awareness and understanding about eating disorders can also play a role. Some people might not fully recognize that they have a problem, or they might not know that effective treatments are available. Without this knowledge, they might not think that reaching out will make a difference.
Finally, practical barriers like financial constraints, limited access to healthcare or lack of nearby specialists can make it challenging to seek help, even for those who are ready to do so. Fear of high treatment costs or having to travel long distances can be daunting and discourage individuals from taking the first step toward recovery.
Overall, while asking for help for an eating disorder can be tough, it is an essential step toward healing. Overcoming these barriers, with assistance from compassionate friends, family or professionals, can open the door to recovery.
What can I do to start the conversation?
Starting a conversation about needing help for an eating disorder can be overwhelming, but taking that first step is crucial. If you feel yourself struggling to find the words to say, consider some of the following.
1. Choose the right person
Identify someone you trust, such as a close friend, family member, teacher or counselor. Choose a person who has shown understanding and empathy in the past.
2. Pick the right place
Find a quiet, private setting where you can talk without interruptions. Find a time where you both will feel relaxed, without any pressure to rush to the next thing.
3. Plan your words
Consider writing down what you want to say. You might start with a simple statement like, “I’ve been struggling with something important, and I need to talk to someone about it.” Writing it down can help you get over the initial bump of admitting the words without actually saying them.
4. Be honest
It’s okay to be straightforward about your struggles. You might say, “I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder, and I realize I need help to get better.” Or, if you are unsure how to categorize it, say something like, “I’ve been limiting how much food I eat, and would like some help managing this habit.”
5. Talk about how you feel
Share your emotions and experiences to help the person understand your situation. You could say, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and scared, and it’s been hard to manage on my own.”
6. Ask for the support
Clearly express what you need from the person. Whether it’s emotional support, help finding a therapist or just someone to talk to, being specific can guide them in how best to help you.
7. Refer to resources
If you think it would be helpful, bring along some resources or information about eating disorders. This can help them understand what you’re going through and the seriousness of your situation. Blogs like Seeds of Hope’s can be helpful places to start gathering that information.
8. Prepare for reactions
Remember that the person may not know exactly how to respond initially. They might need time to process the information, so be patient with them and don’t take it personally if they need some time to come up with a game plan.
9. Follow up
If the conversation goes well, discuss the next steps together. This could involve scheduling a doctor’s appointment or looking into therapy options.
10. Maintain your mindset
Keep in mind that asking for help is a brave and positive step toward recovery. Even if the first conversation doesn’t go as planned, don’t get discouraged. Remember that this can be a lengthy process, and each time you speak about the disorder, it gets a little easier.
The most important thing is to take that leap. Opening up about an eating disorder can be tremendously liberating and an essential move toward healing.
For support during this time
Opening up about an eating disorder is not easy, but Seeds of Hope can help. To get in touch with a therapist who can walk with you during this part of recovery, reach out to Seeds of Hope via our online contact form or by calling 610-644-6464.
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