When you have a friend battling an eating disorder, it’s likely that you have noticed certain behaviors they do that seem unhealthy. You may have felt isolated from them even though you really just want to help.
But maybe you don’t even know how to start offering support.
Don’t worry. If you have a friend battling an eating disorder and do not know what to say or what to do, you’re not alone. Sting disorders are not uncommon and more people have faced this challenge that you think. So we’ve made a list of ways to love your friend as they struggle through this time in their life.
What are signs of an eating disorder?
The first way to help someone with an eating disorder is by recognizing the signs. If you can recognize certain behaviors and habits as disordered and unhealthy, you may be on the way to having a life changing conversation with your friend.
- Drastic weight changes — Sudden and significant changes in weight, either gain or loss, that are noticeable within a short period;
- Obsession with food, calories or dieting — Constant talk about dieting, calorie counting or food intake that often dominates the conversation;
- Avoiding meals or events involving food — Making excuses to skip meals or avoiding social situations where food is present;
- Ritualistic eating habits — Developing strict eating practices, like cutting food into tiny pieces or eating only certain food groups;
- Preoccupation with body image — Frequently checking mirrors, emphasizing body dissatisfaction or making negative comments about their own body;
- Excessive exercise — Engaging in compulsive or excessive exercise routines, sometimes even when injured or ill;
- Withdrawing — Showing lack of interest in socializing, particularly in events that involve eating, leading to isolation;
- Mood or personality shifts — Notable changes in mood, irritability, depression or anxiety that seem to revolve around eating or body image;
- Physical signs of malnutrition — Brittle nails, thinning hair, dry skin or tooth decay due to inadequate nutrition;
- Evidence of binge eating — Finding empty food wrappers or large amounts of food missing, indicating possible binge episodes.;
- Secretive behavior around food — Noticing your friend sneaking food or hiding food around their room or personal space;
- Going to the bathroom after meals — Frequently excusing themselves to go to the bathroom immediately after eating, which may indicate purging;
- Wearing baggy clothing — Consistently choosing oversized clothing to hide body shape or weight loss.
- Complaints of stomach discomfort — Frequent mention of stomach pain, constipation or other gastrointestinal complaints without a clear cause;
- Lethargy — Consistent tiredness, lack of energy or difficulty concentrating, potentially due to inadequate nutrition.
It’s important to approach anyone suspected of having an eating disorder with sensitivity and support, encouraging them to seek professional help.
How should I talk to my friend who has an eating disorder?
If you’re worried about your friend, it’s important that you let them know you love them and deeply care about their wellbeing. Eating disorders are isolating experiences, so reaching out a helping hand with love and care might make a huge difference in your friend’s journey.
Here are some tips on how to have this conversation:
1. Educate yourself — Before initiating a conversation, try to learn about eating disorders to better understand what your friend might be experiencing. This knowledge will help you to be more empathetic and informed. Check out resources from sources like Seeds of Hope, NEDA and ANAD.
2. Consider time and place — Find a private, comfortable setting where you won’t be interrupted. Ensure both of you have enough time to talk without feeling rushed.
3. Compassion is everything — Approach your friend with empathy, ensuring they feel supported rather than judged. Use a caring and non-confrontational tone to encourage a space of warmth, care and love.
4. Use “I” statements — Frame your concerns from your perspective to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, “I’ve noticed you seem stressed and I’m really concerned about you,” rather than “You need to stop doing this.”
5. Focus on behaviors you’ve seen — Highlight actions or behaviors like withdrawing from social activities or changing eating habits, rather than commenting on their appearance or weight.
6. Be prepared — When entering into this kind of conversation, know that your friend might deny any problems or react defensively. Stay calm and patient, reinforcing your concern and willingness to support them, and allow them to get out their frustration if needed.
7. Encourage professional care — If it’s clear an eating disorder exists and your friend seems open to it, gently suggest speaking to a healthcare professional, such as a doctor or therapist. Offer to help them find resources or accompany them to their first appointment if they would appreciate it.
8. Listen — Give your friend space to talk about what they’re going through, and listen without interrupting. Affirm their feelings and express understanding.
9. Avoid simple solutions — Suggesting they “just eat more” or “stop doing that,” may minimize the complexity of their disorder and make things worse.
After you and your friend have talked, Keep the lines of communication open, checking in periodically to show your ongoing love and concern. Remember, your role is to support and encourage your friend to seek help, not to diagnose or counsel them. It’s important they speak to a qualified professional who can provide the appropriate guidance and treatment.
Need a recommendation?
Contact Seeds of Hope today by calling 610-897-0508 or fill out an online contact form to get in touch with a medical professional who specializes in eating disorders.
